Panthers are Poetic

It’s really kind of incredible to me how you can be so sure you know everything you need to know, when in fact you know nothing. It’s really uncomfortable to watch the tense interactions between my mom and younger brother because he hasn’t yet realized that seventeen is fly and fresh and invigorating but naive and she sometimes forgets that we (me and my other two brothers) all acted a little like him at some point and then became adults who know better than to talk to their mother like they don’t appreciate her. And in truth we didn’t appreciate her or what she did for us. Some things you can’t appreciate until you’re on your own doing all the things someone used to do for you. And then you go, how the hell did she do this for herself AND four smaller humans? I don’t know. Kind of rambling but had to say it to someone.

First Days of School (rough draft)

For all my fellow educators.

1.
students stroll in defensive
shrapnel strapped to their tongues
ready
for anything but learning
community
love
they know disappointment and grief
know how to keep me at arm’s distance
keep me from closing the distance
between their stubborn gazes and my timid smiles

2.
i’m afraid
more than bodily harm
i fear learning what these children have seen
heard
experienced
unsure of my shoulders’ ability
to carry the weight of their burdens
i stand tall anyway
meet sharpened stares with my own stern ones
nudge grins onto reluctant faces
over time

3.
in their world
adults too often lie
let down
bruise and scream
i wish i could separate my own fragile adulthood
from their definition of grownup
show them the heart
that only holds the dreams they are too scared
to admit they want for themselves

4.
i dreamed of teaching because i liked helping people
without cutting them open
never realized my future students would arrive
needing more help than anyone in any hospital
i am surgeon in this classroom, anyway

5.
i am fragile
sensitive
don’t have quite the thickness of skin
this profession requires
i am grateful
their words don’t always bounce off
i’m not always able to shrug off obscenities
as part of the job
i cherish when the insults hurt
when they remind me i face scarred children
pained humans
who don’t always have the words to say they need more
deserve better

6. my first set of students
made me cry in staff bathrooms
call out sick with anxiety coiling thick like rope in my stomach
they made getting dressed each morning
as difficult as it had been in middle school
insecurities once again running rampant
doubts about self-worth tied up with theirs
it took time to teach confidence
be myself even when it made me a target
for their taunts

7.
more than the frustration
fear
days spent fumbling through lessons
i remember the gratitude
the warmth
the tears left after a boy who attempted intimidation tactics
from the back of the class
those first days
ended at the front of the room
rushing through the warmup to share his poems with me
i never let him see me proud
i should have

8.
my first months teaching were exhausting
terrifying
the hardest days of my short life
yet i remain vulnerable enough
to leave myself in the hands
of those who have the most to lose
if i stop caring
if i stop teaching
if i stop growing

Retail Etiquette

As we move into one of the busiest shopping seasons in this consumerist nation I wanted to share with you a few things retail employees would love to tell you but can’t unless we’re on some sort of rampage. I make no claim to be the perfect employee but I do make every effort to do what I’m being paid to do and then some. Ultimately I believe as an employee and a consumer that there’s no excuse for being rude or inconsiderate, no matter what money I’m spending or being paid. Here a few things you may not have known were grinding the gears of many retail employees across the nation:

1. Get off of your cell phone when paying or asking for help. I wasn’t trained in reading lips so you can mouth through our whole transaction. And if you just try to talk to me and the person on the phone simultaneously, you’re just being rude to two people.

2. Unless you fear your cashier has the plague or some other such virus, put your form of payment in their hand. Scraping pennies off of a counter is frustrating and unnecessary.

3. Avoid blaming the person in front of you for what another employee did to you. Making me feel like I’m terrible at my job because someone else sucks at theirs really isn’t helpful. If you have a genuine complaint or concern, find a way to voice it productively.

4. Please don’t give me attitude or recite every conspiracy theory in your arsenal because it’s part of my job to ask if you’d like to join a rewards program, sign up for a credit card, or complete any other marketing scheme for my employer. I honestly couldn’t give two craps about whether or not you sign up but just like I have to clean up behind you no matter how I feel, this is just one of those situations where I’m required to complete the task and a polite no will suffice.

And that’s it. My tips are unscientific but grounded in years of retail experience and conversations with dozens of employees in varied industries. Just remember that the golden rule doesn’t disappear when you pull out your wallet.